Last night, Monday evening August 27, 2012 was my first official evening of “vacation” also known as unemployment in more than six years and I was lucky enough to spend it doing the one thing I haven’t in so long due to my work-dictated schedule. The ever elusive dinner with friends.

It seems like such a small thing to be able to take a few hours to sit and sup with people you enjoy…and their friends.

At 6:45pm, Jeremiah and I set out with a bottle of Prosecco for dinner at my friend, #%*^’s, home. We arrived on time because if you know me you know that I hate being late and I don’t much care for those who consider being “fashionably” late, and showing up 30 minutes after everyone else, a worthy trait. But that’s just me.

So, what was to be dinner for 10 quickly turned into dinner for 8, as is expected in NYC, someone had double-booked and someone else had to cancel last minute. Now my friend, #*%^, is a gracious hostess and puts together a lovely dinner party with an always enjoyable mix of people from all arenas. I once had the pleasure of dinner with her parents and heard the most amazing stories of their lives as young Japanese Americans living in NYC and Boston after WWII. We’ve also dined with coworkers from various shows. Last night’s fete brought together great minds…two history teachers, the head of a prestigious private school, his partner and his father, the hostess, her precocious and multi-talented son, two fabulous black women, whose ships passed in the night and myself. I say that the two black divas passed in the night because one stopped in before she whisked herself away to make the engagement for which she had double booked and the latter was, well…late!

I had forgotten that the black diva still existed in a modern younger version. Long since the time of the theatrical divas as Vivian Reed, Sheryl Lee Ralph and Jennifer Lewis. These women who enter a room with a flourish and a fan and hold court. It’s clear that they took up the banner from gay men before them and have in many cases handed the banner back to the modern gay with his bag in the crook of his arm, don’t get me started, and his billowy tank top and coifed hair. I’m gonna need more fan-fared divas, please.

Diva number one, as I shall call her, is a young woman who I’ve known since my days working as a talent agent. When we met, she was a docile creature who was a fierce actress but doubted her singing ability. A sweet girl. She’s since starred in three broadway shows as a powerhouse singer and has found her voice. She flew into the room in a whirlwind of laughter and hair extensions with her frenetic energy and batting eyelashes. This is a women you want at a party, as long as she turns off her phone long enough to focus on the people IN the room. But we love her and forgive any self absorption that comes with being an actress. That gusto is something that is missing from many parties of mixed genders. I’ve been to countless all male soirèes and there’s always at least one gay man who can keep the room laughing and on the edges of their seats, regaling them with stories of past conquests.

Then diva number one left, as quickly as she’d arrived.

We were ushered to the table, by the talented albeit precocious son and seated for dinner…my female friend and seven men. If I were her, I’d always keeps those numbers. Nothing like being the only pretty girl in a room!

About half way through dinner we hear the bell announcing the arrival of our “Juanita come lately” final guest. Hold onto your iPads, hurricane “Fabuloso” just arrived. Diva number two, a former dancer and current faculty member at one of NYC’s world renowned dance companies, literally entered glowing of freshly applied body oil, wearing a flouncy bosom-bearing shirt, in a swirl of fabulousness with a fan. A mother-fucking fan!!! I knew this girl would either work my last nerve or be a handful of glitter…lucky for me, she was the latter.

Diva number two with her natural hair was ebullient and engaging, leaning forward enough for her less than bountiful charms to be seen by her student, the precocious one, and the other men at the table. Esprit de corps! Right?

Why did women stop wearing chiffon dresses and objet d’art as jewelry? GLAMOUR, GLAMOUR!!!

The conversation was definitely held captive by our modern day Isadora Duncan and myself, speaking freely about everything from Gabby Douglass’ hair to gay marriage to the abilities of American children and the electronic age they live in. Occasionally the educators would chime in but I must say its difficult to speak when two passionate artists are in the room. There were many differing views on child rearing and the importance of Facebook in the world, the development of an all boys academy in Harlem for the purposes of getting young at risk black men into programs that will allow them to attain more than the jail cell that awaits a third of all men of color under the age of 21, differing views on integrity and how much integrity we expect of our leaders. Those who know me well, know that my views and opinions are very clear. I expect perfection of myself and I hope that others will reach for the same goals. I don’t think, for me, that expecting less of others is the way to get them to do their best. I have never believed in the ideology of working so that the weakest link doesn’t feel “lesser”. I say, if I’m working harder or doing more, everyone else needs to BUMP UP their games.

One of the interesting moments of the evening was definitely the conversation of black women’s hair. The two black men and the black women clearly dominated this conversation with the others sitting back and listening, I think out of fear that someone would question how racially they could speak on the topic…except for the octogenarian male who accompanied his son and his son’s lover to dinner. He spoke clearly about how we each come to situations and views, as products of our surroundings and development. We each see things differently and expect or require what we require because of what we bring to the table. A farmer from Iowa has a different base of information than a teacher from Oregon or a dancer with a fan from NYC.

Amazingly, we all were able to have an open dialogue on many subjects and keep our food and drinks down. No fights, no low blows, no name calling…just conversation and laughter.
I left the evening feeling invigorated and looking forward to the next few weeks of “vacation” and lots of dinner parties.

I may have to start carrying a fan, just in case.

Ok…take a deep breath…

Over the past several months I have thought long and hard about my place in the battle we currently face, in our country. The truth in our feelings about who we are as a country and the truth about who we are and want to be when it comes to our own religious beliefs.

I, first, had to really consider my place when I initially heard that Truett Cathey, the founder of Chick-fil-a had given money to a foundation that believes in traditional family values…which was fine. I mean, who doesn’t believe in traditional family values, if the circumstances allow them.

I, later, cautioned myself about stating my beliefs…because like vocal technique, religion is a very personal thing, when my home state of North Carolina chose to be closed minded, as a whole, when voting for equal marriage rights for gays living in that great state.

I, once again had to regroup when it became common knowledge that Dan Cathy, son of Truett, had given millions of dollars of their customers money to an organization that openly speaks against gay marriage and gay rights of any kind…in the name of Christianity.

And last week, when a young girl was nailed to the proverbial cross when she unknowingly took a picture of a #1 meal from Chick-fil-a because she thought she was standing up for her beliefs, not knowing that it was condemning many of her peers, I knew it was time to state my opinion on the matter.

Somehow, my voice is one that holds some weight and I hope that now and in the future I will help someone to consider the other option…the other “white meat” when making choices that will change the lives of others.

I was raised in a Christian household with two parents, two brothers and a sister who all love God and follow the teachings of Jesus, our Christ. I was raised in a Methodist church and sang in Baptist and Episcopal churches throughout my education. I have always loved sacred music and will, without hesitation, tell you wholeheartedly that I am a Christian. It is first on my list of attributes…first being Christian, second being black (how could I deny it) third being gifted and fourth on the list…being a gay male. Many other things follow including being truthfully critical and strong willed but the first four are most important for this moment “on my soapbox”.

As a young person in a small town in North Carolina, I always thought of marriage as a union between a man and a woman because that was all I knew. Having been to many a wedding that was short lived for one reason or another I never thought myself as the “Marrying kind” but if that’s what ya like, then have at it. I was also intrigued at an early age by the changes in wording from ceremony to ceremony…husband and wife…man and wife….love and honor…love, honor and obey.

No one seemed to care that, what we consider, the true text of the bible has changed when it comes to the women no longer being considered a lesser creature or chattel or that she is no longer obliged to obey her husband. Should the woman not be subservient to the man? Not if he intends to eat and enjoy the fruits of married life. We have somehow progressed and grown as a Christian society without the walls of the church crumbling because women are now thought of as equal.

So why so different with gays? The bible tells us…ME, that a sin is a sin. The sin of fornication is as much a sin as the act of sodomy and because fornication leads to pregnancy doesn’t make it ok…Psalm 51:5 “For I was born a sinner, yes, from the moment my mother conceived me.” And yet, God still loves us and Jesus still saved us by grace from our very selves.

The union of marriage should and for many centuries, it seems, was consecrated by the church when two men of the cloth wanted to share their lives. Many of these ceremonies were called, “Office of Same-sex union” or “Order of uniting two men”.

I marvel at the idea that nearly a thousand years ago., before we came upon the entitlement of an entire class of men, the church found understanding and chose to join people who were Christians and who were taking up the banner of Jesus Christ, no matter their sexual orientation AND welcoming them into the church with all the rights that go with being a follower of Christ.

The church as we know it is not built on the firmest of foundations…our belief in God is unshakeable but we clearly know that many of our forefathers saw things differently when it came to worshipping God. The protestant churches…PRO-TEST-ant churches all believe similarly but some of their core values differ because, once again, our forefathers wanted to live the lives they chose and still be right with God. We’ve lived for generations with adulterers and alcoholics, thieves and murderers and abusers, finding solace in the church and being forgiven for their sins and allowed all the rights there unto of being a Christian including the ceremony of marriage.

Again, I ask, WHY NOT FOR GAYS?

The First amendment of the Constitution of the United States of America states, “ Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof, or abridging the freedom of speech, or the press, or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.”

Hmmm…

So why are we concerned with the ceremony of marriage when we should be more concerned with our government mandating that every citizen should lawfully have the same rights to a civil union and lawfully covered in the same way in case of disability, death or other harms. That every couple legally and lawfully joined are covered in the same way.

Why such a demand for marriage? And why, if someone who confesses their sins and their love for Jesus, would the church turn their backs and push these people away? Because that is what many churches are doing. Is that Christ-like? I need to know for my own sanity.

I think that so many people have gotten so wound up over wanting what their parents have…long marriages with kids and a picket fence, a ceremony in a church that they have forgotten what’s really important. Years ago, I thought the fight was for equal rights from the government. No, the government has not stepped up and put an amendment in place to allow all citizens the opportunity to wed in a civil union in every state of this great land. That’s what we want, right? We want the Constitution if the United States to outweigh any state constitution and allow the protection from being prosecuted unduly.

I understand that the words marriage mean different things for different people and I have never been one to envision walking down an aisle to join with, well, anyone. It’s not me but anyone who wants to, by all means. Grab the brass ring, pardon the pun.

But it’s not a federal issue. It’s a sacred/church issue and I think we want and have always wanted a division between church and state…not only when it suits us. Republican representatives continually state how they want less government in their lives, well STOP BRINGING RELIGION INTO THE CAPITAL BUILDING!!! They’ve been voted into office to look after the welfare of each citizen of this country…not just the top 1%, not just the people who look like them and not just the people who believe like they do…”With liberty and justice for all.”

There should, indeed, be a division between church and state but it can’t be when we want it or when it benefits us. It should be clear and strong, for all to understand.

This idea that gays shouldn’t marry is despicable. And even more so is that idea that when sinners and born again Christians alike want to come to Jesus and to his church and be wash in the blood and made whole, there are men of the cloth who turn them away. Jesus told this Parable:  “Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn’t he leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it?  And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.’  I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.”

I have to believe that the God I serve and the Christ, whose teachings I live by, welcomes each of us to with open arms despite our sins, despite our faults and loves us unconditionally and wholeheartedly…including offering to us the ceremony of marriage.

To those who don’t believe that, I ask that you re-evaluate what being a Christian is to you. You will never be asked to stand p for my sins…only I will be asked to stand up for me. For those who fear they lose something by giving the same to others…please look up the definition of selfishness and look at yourself in the mirror. For those of you who are afraid to speak up for your beliefs, no matter what they may be…get a backbone and stand up, STAND UP FOR JESUS!

For those of you who go to a church that will accept your tithes but not accept you or allow you the same membership into the church of Christ as your heterosexual brother…FIND ANOTHER CHURCH IN WHICH TO WORSHIP. Some place where they truly know the love of God and a place where you are accepted because you are a child of God.

I cannot believe for a moment that Jesus would turn away a man who wanted to give his life to Christ and follow the teachings and be a Christian…it’s just not Christ-like!

As for Truett Cathy, I wish you were alive today, so that we would really know what your intentions were when giving money to support traditional family values. Sometimes the truth gets watered down and sometimes biased, due to personal prejudices, through generations and sons.

For those who continue to eat at Chick-fil-a, each of us has to stand for what we believe is right…I won’t wear skinny jeans. They just aren’t right. For you and you’re continued support of this company, if you are a mother and going there offers you a moment of peace from screaming kids wanting chicken nuggets then by all means, buy the chicken but understand that Dan Cathy is selling hatred and bias. I don’t think you want your children learning that. It’s just chicken.

To Bailey Hanks, who has been castigated by an entire community… Gurl! Stand up for your beliefs and speak strongly but be aware of what is happening around you. You can’t walk through life with blinders on simply because you’re a pretty blonde girl. Get with the program…ANY program!

To the many people who call themselves Christians but aren’t living a truly Christ-like life, what do you lose by allowing more people to enjoy the blessed service of matrimony? You lose nothing but you gain a brother or sister in Christ…

So as promised, the first blog “Soapbox Doozie” is here and it is just that…a doozie!

These entries will range from the important to the truly fluff-tastic. Tis entry is a little more hard hitting but believe me, we will be discussing my “in my head” sweetheart Anderson Cooper, fashion…great and horrible, show reviews and my thoughts on everything my mind can imagine.

People get ready, the train is here! Get on board!